18/01/19
Seriously? What is the point in all this? What, how, when..? It’s all so bloody confusing!
This is how I found myself feeling numerous times over the last year. I’m not saying I was about to do anything drastic, but I couldn’t help but feel completely overwhelmed with life. There is just so much going on all the time. I found myself questioning my beliefs, what is right and wrong, who do we vote for, who do we trust, what is happening!? I could get lost in these thoughts so easily.
I became so worried and stressed out about all the things I didn’t know and couldn’t answer. I was feeling a huge lack of trust in life after seeing people around me get so hurt and I couldn’t get my head around why. I wanted to look for blame and the negativity spiralled, the anxious depressing feelings took over and I just wanted to hide away from it all.
We forget that we’ve won the lottery millions of times over by just being here! I believe it’s something ridiculous like there's a 1 in 400 trillion chance of you being alive today. But yet we get so wrapped up in the fear and the terror that surrounds us that it breaks us down in to anxious messes. We forget all the wonderful things we know and things we have overcome because the negativity is so easy to fall for - what is that all about!?
I think it is perfectly fair and reasonable to feel overwhelmed and anxious; life is so fragile and precious. We are incredibly special and lucky to be here and of course that can cause those sickening feelings and doubtful thoughts. It all seems so impossible at times.
“Life is a spell so exquisite that everything conspires to break it” – Emily Dickinson
I find that when I start to wonder about this kind of stuff it’s very easy to let it takeover, but you must remember that you are in control of your own life. You have won the lottery and you have the power to do whatever you wish with it! It can be scary, and life can throw all kinds of shit your way, but there is also so much beauty and wondrous nature out there to be completely in awe of. There is a humongous world out there with all kinds of culture, personality and experiences to grab a hold of. We’ve been given a hand to play at this gambling table, we can only do our best with it, but we must try no matter how hard it can be.
When I think about life as a bigger picture; the science behind it, the universe, the possibilities of what could be out there, I find myself becoming more empowered and fascinated by the things I read. Doing research and understanding more about your environment and body definitely helps you remember just how incredible this all is and not to get too caught up on the negativity. It would be silly to think that something so outstanding can keep going without any bumps in the road.
I’m still not sure I fully have a grasp over life as a whole and what it means or how I can win at it but I’m going to give it a bloody good go! I have a winning lottery ticket in my hand and I am going to do everything in my power to use it and spend it in all the right ways.
Marilyn Monroe once said; “Keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about” – and I really like that. Keep smiling because you’ve won! You have something so rare and you can do anything you want with it.
I guess that’s what this is all about; spending your lottery ticket. Living your life to the best you can. Making friends, falling in love, smiling, laughing, exploring and spending that cash in any way you want because it’s all yours.
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