04/01/19
I chose to use the word blip as that is how I like to see it. A blip. A short dip in my mental health. A scratch on a vinyl. A missing scene from your favourite film. It isn’t something that will define me forever, but it certainly was a significant period of time in my adult life and one I will always look back on and feel proud that I overcame.
I first noticed something was wrong when I was at the pub with friends one Friday night. I was with all my favourite people but I felt nothing. I just couldn’t smile. I didn’t know why but I just wanted to go home and curl up in a ball. I blamed all the usual things; hormones, my period, tiredness etc. and those were good enough excuses for that moment. But looking back now I know that was the first sign I was starting to slip away.
I’d had a tough year with family things and stress left right and centre. We don’t realise it but it is the build-up of small things that can have a much greater effect on our mental health than one big event. I felt overwhelmed. I was scared of the world. I was frightened of the future. So many people I cared about were being hurt around me and I couldn’t see the light anymore. All I could see was pain. It’s very hard to just carry on when you are seeing so much suffering around you.
It all got on top of me and before I knew it I was crying for no reason almost every day. I started having heart palpitations and feeling sick. I of course went to the doctor; which I would always recommend if you are having physical symptoms. The doctors tested for all kinds of things. I even went for a MRI scan to make sure my heart was behaving normally. It was, it was healthy, but it was reacting to the stress and emotion I was feeling inside. I had no idea that could even happen! So I realised this is not something I can take a pill for, no doctor can fix this, only I have the power to change my thoughts and turn this on its head. This is where I started to take control.
With the support of my wonderful partner, family and friends I made the decision to go to counselling. THIS CHANGED MY LIFE. I learnt coping mechanisms and I began to understand more about how I am feeling and why. I realised I had been spending all my time worrying and stressing about other people and the world around me that I had lost myself along the way, and I wanted to get back to me.
In the end all it came down to were a few steps to self-help, and this is what I recommend for anyone else going through something similar;
1 - Realising and admitting you need help. It’s ok to feel down and low sometimes! The world is hard work!
2 – Talking about it, being open and honest about how you feel! Everyone will deal with things differently and it is so important to talk about it, whether it is with a counsellor, a friend or loved one.
3 – Find an outlet for these emotions. Whether it is meditation, writing, running, painting... try it all until you find the right one for you.
4 – Using your experience to benefit others around you. If you can turn it on its head, so can others.
So this blip, this missing scene, this puddle of tears I now look back on is actually now one of the most powerful periods of my life and I intend on keeping it that way. It has shown me how strong we can be and just how important it is to support each other through these tough times. Seek help if you need it. We are all the same.
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