DUST OFF YOUR INNER SHELF
Today is international happiness day, and it has come at a time where there is so much hurt and upset in the world. We are constantly hearing of horror stories in the news about the loss of life due to multiple different reasons. Many times in the last few years we have heard of beloved celebrities taking their own life due to depression and mental health issues, and it just goes to show you never truly know how someone is feeling and what caused them to think they had no way out. It is truly tragic.
It got me thinking about all the people I know dealing with things at the moment and also my own experiences and how thankful I am that I had the guts to open up and talk about it. It’s not that easy to do this as we all know. But it is crucial that we do so.
There is something that my counsellor said to me during a session one time that has always stuck with me and I wanted to share this with you today, on international happiness day, to remind you that it is crucial to open up and talk about those things we are most private about. We cannot be expected to be truly happy if we do not deal with our demons.
“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell” - Buddha
When my counsellor first mentioned the ‘inner shelf’ I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. But now it makes so much sense and is something I share with everyone around me;
When you imagine your emotions, memories and feelings, imagine they all sit on a shelf within yourself. You will have all the common and easy to reach emotions and feelings on the bottom shelf, constantly present, constantly ready to be taken off the shelf and used at any time. The version of you people see all the time - this is the bottom shelf.
You will also have a middle shelf - memories and feelings that perhaps aren’t discussed as often but are a solid part of who you are. Things you are comfortable to talk about but they just don’t need to be spoken about all the time. This is the middle shelf; easy enough to access, but only when needed.
Then there is the top shelf - the dark dusty shelf that is the home to those deepest darkest feelings and secrets. Things you don’t like to think or talk about, things your mind has blocked out and even tried to forget but are never truly forgotten. These are the objects we must re-visit every now and then no matter how hard it may be. These memories, feelings and thoughts must come out occasionally for a quick dust off. Whether it is a short moment of contemplation or revisiting a conversation that hurts, it is so important to our sanity that we do not forget them or pretend they aren’t there. They are a part of you; they make you who you are.
To bring this analogy to life and using two of the most recent tragedies as context; we lost both Keith Flint (front man of The Prodigy) and Mike Thalassitis (Love Island Star and Footballer) to their own demons recently. They both tragically took their own lives as they couldn’t bear to live with what was going on in their lives and in their mind.
From what we know, Keith took his own life due to the collapse of his marriage and was struggling with his emotions, and Mike was grieving the loss of his beloved Nan. Both absolutely valid reasons for struggling with mental health, but unfortunately they couldn’t find help in those around them and tragically took their own lives.
I see Keith's bottom shelf as his time as the front man of The Prodigy. The musical genius that we all know and love. His charisma and stamina being at the forefront of the man we remember today. His middle shelf being a mix of emotions and drugs he had been open about in the past, and the marriage that had broken down which obviously had a huge affect on his life. But what was Keith's top shelf? What were his deepest and darkest thoughts that he felt he couldn't share?
Mike's bottom shelf I imagine to be filled with his charming looks and his time as a footballer and TV star, the fame and the glory rolled in to one. I expect his middle shelf will be filled with his Nan, loving memories of her that were so close to his heart but not the Mike we see in the news or in the paper. So what lied on his top shelf? What could he have shared that may have stopped him from taking that final action?
Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year and a staggering amount of these people will fall victim to their own minds. We can’t know for sure what goes on in everyone’s mind, but if we were encouraged to talk more openly about our demons and our darkest emotions perhaps it would become a lot more normal to express our top shelf and share the things that are the hardest to share? I wonder if that could have saved both Keith and Mike.
“I'm not this dark, twisted person. Yes, I have my demons and this is my way of exorcising them. It gets them out - and better out than in” - Naomi Watts
Top shelf emotions and memories will never go away, and it is OK to keep them up there, just don’t forget that they are there and they do exist.
We can’t pretend to be OK all the time, it is perfectly healthy to bring those objects down every now and then and share with loved ones how we are truly feeling inside. It can be hard to talk about, it can be hard to admit, but we all have them and we should all be encouraged to share them.
I would like to take this opportunity to say to all of you, anyone reading this, that I am here as an ear to listen. I too have a dusty top shelf that I must address every now and then - for my own sanity, and to help the closest people around me understand more about who I am and why I am the way I am.
Dust off your inner shelf and share your darkest and deepest emotions. We are stronger when we share.
“You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.” – Robin Williams